True Life: I Was Diagnosed with ADHD as an Adult.
image courtesy of The State News.
Please enjoy our latest blog post, written by Kimberly Rivera, LPC. Kimberly is accepting new clients, so if her story speaks to you, or you think she may be able to help you in another way, reach out to us! -Alisha Brewster, Practice Manager for Aurora Sun Counseling.
Note from the author: This blog post will most likely be my most vulnerable one yet. As I’ve been working with more neurodivergent clients this year, I believe that this would be appropriate to write so that I can offer another perspective for those out there who might relate to this topic. Although I am a young professional, I’m also a person with qualities that make me, me and I believe that being genuine and authentically myself can go a long way as a therapist. I also think that opening a discussion like this could potentially break the stigma that is often associated with ADHD and those who have it.
Before talking about my story, I want to discuss what ADHD or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is.
ADHD is a neurological condition that can be split up into three categories. Regardless of the type of ADHD an individual has, they all affect school or work performance, self-esteem, social skills, concentration, organization, and mood. The types of ADHD discussed in the DSM-5 [editor’s note: the DSM-5 is a medical textbook with diagnostic criteria which is used by professionals as the authority for diagnosing mental illnesses] are: predominantly inattentive type, predominantly hyperactive type, or a combination of the two. As there is a variance in symptoms as well as some other differences that are specific to each type, people can experience some or all the related symptoms. For a symptom to be attributed to ADHD, it must have started before the age of 12.
Depending on how old they are, it can be challenging for an adult to go through so much of their history! What I’ve come to learn in working with individuals who have ADHD as well as considering my own experiences, is that no two people with the same diagnosis are the exact same. This can also be said about those who have any neurodiverse diagnosis, such as ASD (autism spectrum disorder). In addition, these behaviors are typically considered to be symptoms of ADHD if they affect different areas of one’s life (school, work, social relationships, finances, etc.) On top of that, ADHD symptoms can manifest in early childhood and continue to present itself in adult life.
On that note, this made my story make a lot more sense. If I had to think back to my “early childhood”, I obviously didn’t know anything about ADHD but at that point, I didn’t really need to. In fact, I was a great student (not to brag, but I’ve only had a C or lower as a final grade about 3 times in my entire time of being a student— undergraduate and graduate school included).
Given my history, the idea of me being “inattentive” or “disorganized” was kind of… out the window. I mean, how could I have ADHD? As a student, I was considered “high achieving” (good grades, in a lot of clubs and organizations, worked part-time while in school). I was completely outside of the radar for my teachers and those around me.
At least if you’re looking from the outside.
What people didn’t know about me is that while at school, especially in my younger years, I absolutely thrived on schedules and routine. It gave me every opportunity to focus on whatever activity was in front of me. Also, these activities were just fun to me-- I liked learning and they were all based on personal interests of mine (art, music, drama, etc.), so it never actually felt like “work”. However, whenever there was free time in between, I was doing nothing. Not a personal interest/hobby, not homework, nothing. In fact, I used to purposefully plan my procrastination time so that I can spend all my breaks doing nothing and leaving my homework for the last possible minute while still handing it in on time. Looking back on it, I’m still not 100% sure how I was able to accomplish that!
Knowing what I know now, it makes so much sense.
As I got older, teachers, professors, and supervisors allowed me to have a bit of freedom with my time management. This sounds great in theory, but for me, it took a lot of adjustment. Being a college student felt like a huge culture shock when I realized that the professors weren’t going to constantly update me on due dates, which often led to me forgetting assignments and not being prepared for tests. That didn’t sound like me at all. As I became adjusted, I figured out ways to keep myself on top of assignments. It took a lot of trial and error, but I learned that if I used a big wall calendar in my immediate line of vision (typically in my bedroom or office area) and wrote down all my due dates, I could still go back to procrastination and spacing out the breaks I wanted and still completing my tasks.
At this point, I still didn’t think any of this was a symptom of ADHD. I just thought I needed to work a bit harder in order to get by.
In my case, you would think that as someone who often excelled at school, worked part-time while in school, and was active in their schools’ extracurricular activities, I would’ve thrived socially. However, this would be incorrect. I wasn’t completely alone- I did have friends growing up. Sure, I was friends with people here and there, but I was never really the person maintaining the friendships. It felt very overwhelming (noticing a pattern here?). If it was a short, regularly scheduled time to socialize (in order words, recess), I was so energetic and talkative I remember being told that I was often “hyper”. On top of that, being a student with good grades often resulted in me being considered a “pleasure to have in class”; therefore, most of my social time was spent at school. Did it mean I was paying attention in class? For the most part, no. I actually spent most of my class time talking to others who were seated next to me— which most teachers would see as a concern, but as it never interfered with my grades, it was never really a major issue.
Naturally, this led to a lot of my friendships to “fizzle out” into obscurity as time went on. Which, knowing what I know now, is no fault of my own or those that I’ve come to know. But as a girl who just wanted to fit in despite my quirkiness, personal interests, and everything that made me, me… this felt like abandonment— no, betrayal. What is wrong with me that I cannot connect with others as easily as my peers? Though I didn’t know it at the time, this led to what is known as rejection sensitivity- something that is actually very common for those who have ADHD.
There is typically a huge social component to the symptoms experienced for someone with a diagnosis of ADHD. Those individuals often struggle with socialization, initiating and maintaining friendships, and rejection sensitivity- an intense emotional response to real or perceived rejection. Which, as you can imagine, often makes social interactions uncomfortable. As a result, it is not uncommon for people to mask their symptoms in an attempt to achieve social acceptance and “fit in”, which has the potential to lead to a negative self-image.
Women are statistically far less likely to obtain an ADHD diagnosis, even as a little girl. Even less so if that little girl is a person of color.
I could go into more elaborate and further detail about how I can relate to each ADHD symptom (flight of ideas, foggy memory, executive dysfunction, etc.) and how it led to my suspicion that I could have such a condition, but I think I can really drive the point home if I move on to how being diagnosed in my twenties affected me. I believe it can provide insight, as well as hope, to those who feel hesitant and/or perhaps curious of their own personal situation.
There is a stigma with ADHD, that those who have it are “troublemakers” or “disruptive” and as such, girls are more likely to become under-identified and underdiagnosed even if they present themselves as “inattentive”. In addition, this could be a social commentary of how girls are expected to be obedient and competent, and girls who have ADHD don’t “fit” that expectation. This leads to masking; this leads to that negative self-image and rejection sensitivity.
Would I have still been friends with the same people had I known? Would I have had an easier time not stressing about due dates and giving myself enough time to do my homework?
In a way, it felt like a grieving period for a life with more explanation, more opportunities, a life that… never existed. At the same time, I would also say that being diagnosed with ADHD helped me learn more about myself, and that knowledge makes it easier to live life authentically as me.
It felt like relief. All these questions about myself were finally answered.
The more I learned about ADHD, the more it felt like I was learning about myself. Perhaps the grieving period was more about the loss of opportunity to be myself for so much longer.
I’ve learned that ADHD also comes with many strengths that could remain untapped if not identified or discussed. In fact, even with the growing recognition of ADHD in adults, many people still live with undiagnosed ADHD- possibly due to the unawareness that their experiences are actually different from others! Training and being in the field I’m in now has taught me that there are many resources for treatment, accommodations, and self-discovery that could’ve been very helpful for me had I known when I was younger.
Individuals with ADHD tend to be more curious, more likely to be resilient and adaptable, great conversationalists, have a sparkling personality, and are usually able to provide alternative/less conventional perspectives. (Also just to throw this out there, we’re also very funny.) I find that my ADHD is an integral part of who I am, just like being a woman, being a wife, being a daughter, and being a therapist. My diagnosis gave me permission to be kinder to myself which, in turn, allowed me to strengthen my already keen sense of empathy when helping and working with others.
I’d like to end this blog with a few pieces of advice for anyone who finds themselves relating with anything I’ve talked about today. If my experience resonates with you in any way and you’re wondering what you can do, one of the following suggestions may be helpful for you:
Learn more about ADHD with a trusted mental health professional regarding your specific experiences
Take note of your strengths and areas you thrive in. You will achieve great results in these areas rather than trying to improve your perceived “weaknesses”. How can you build on those strengths?
Give yourself some grace. Practice self-compassion and mindfulness. Then forgive yourself some more. We will not always have the answers right away.
Connect with others. Find your support system. Be your best self and live your best life.
Until next time,
Kimberly Rivera, LPC